Joshua Dwayne

It was morning of December 24, 2013 when my mother and I went to the hospital because I was already having labor. I thought I would be giving birth on the night of 24^th but I didn’t. At 11 o’clock in the morning of December 25, the doctor came and conducted an IE. She told me I am about to give birth and so she instructed the nurse to bring me to the delivery room. They ruptured my bag of water and told me to push whenever I feel any pain and contraction. Unfortunately, I haven’t felt any pain but contractions.

More than an hour passed and still baby is not coming out no matter how I try to push. They keep on checking his fetal heart rate and he just keeps on getting weaker and weaker, so they decided to do an emergency c-section. I was then brought to the operating room.

The anesthesiologist injected anesthesia and in less than five minutes I fell asleep. I just woke up when I heard them screaming, “It’s a baby boy and looks like an American” (a line that made my husband smiled when I told him). I asked if I can see baby and one of the staff showed him to me then I went back to sleep again.

Turned out, the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and his head is not in proper position that is why no matter how I push, he won’t come out. It just made him weaker and weaker. Our bundle of joy came out at 2:09 in the afternoon of December 25, 2013 and it is 12:09 in the morning, it just turned December 25 at Illinois too, where his father lives and waiting for the news.

ISABELLA ROSE

Isabella @ 3 years old

I got pregnant with Isabella when Joshua was only three months old. We learned that I was pregnant on the day my husband would be travelling to Manila for his trip back home to Illinois. I was so nervous that time and didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t ready for a second baby. I gave birth through cesarean section with my first born baby. I was horrified. My husband comforted me and said it is God’s gift.

I was already almost 8 months pregnant when I was having contractions. I sent a message to my OB doc that night and she told me to take isoxsuprine for three times a day and have to call her in the morning or in the afternoon if it still persists. I asked my brother to go and buy at the pharmacy. I took it that night and the next two days. My OB-Gyne have been calling a lot and kept on telling me I should go to the hospital if the pain is persistent. The pain would come and go away so I thought it was only false labor but on the third day, very early morning I felt that excruciating pain which wouldn’t go away so after 3 hours of still having the pain, I asked my brother to drive me to the hospital.

When we went to the hospital ER, they found out that my cervix is already 8cm open. My OB gyne came rushing and in less than 2 hours I gave birth to my daughter through cesarean section. I was thankful because she is strong at 2.5 kgs, everything is ok except that she swallowed some meconium thus the nurses have to suction.

            She came out on the fifth day of November year twenty fourteen at past nine in the morning, same day her dad arrived in Manila from US  at past nine in the evening. He was totally surprised. Yes, we learned that I was pregnant with her on the day her dad travelled to Manila for his trip to the US and she came out on the day her dad came back from the US.

            She is now four years old and growing up so quick.

Dalangin ng Isang Ina

 Aking dalangin ay lumaki kayong may takot sa Diyos at manatili sa kanyang landas. Nawa'y lumaki kayong may kababaang loob at sumunod lagi sa kanya.Sana lagi ninyong isa isip at isa puso ang aral ng Diyos.

Aking dalangin ay bigyan kayo ng Diyos ng malawak na pangunawa at kaalaman. Sana laging puno ang inyong puso ng pagmamahal at gawin ang lahat ng bagay para sa inyong kinabukasan ng may pagmamahal.

Aking dalangin ay bigyan kayo ng Diyos ng kasipagan, ng katapangan, ng kalusugan at ng Katalinuhan. Anumang pagsubok na dumating sa inyo ay mapagtagumpayan ninyo at nang marating ninyo ang rurok ng tagumpay.

Aking dalangin ay bigyan kayo ng masayahing puso, isip at kaluluwa. Lumaki sana kayong marunong tumawa, marunong ngumiti at magalak sa inyong kalumbayan.

Lumaki sana kayong may respeto sa inyong kapwa, maging mabuti kayo, pagsilbihan ang Diyos at ang inyong kapwa. Lumaki sana kayong malayo sa kalawayan at sa kapahamakan.

Aking dalangin ay ingatan kayo ng Diyos sa tuwi-tuwina.

A Mother's Letter

I want to start this by saying “I love you”. I have learned a lot being a mother to both of you. I have always thought the role of a mother is to teach their innocent kids but your innocence have made me realized a lot of things. I am not a perfect mother but I promise you both that I will love you with all my heart. You are the ones who keep me going. There are a lot of times, I want to give up but when I look into your eyes and listen to your sweet voice, I just can’t do that.

I feel so guilty for not giving my best to both of you and yet you always look up to me, always want to be with me and stay with you but if I have to be away and work, I will and hope that someday you will understand why I have done such. I just want to give you the best and I don’t want you to go through what I went before. It is like music to my ears when you say “mommy”, the joy resonates in my heart and in my soul. You never know how I feel, when you always want to hug and kiss me or when you want me to kiss  and hug you.

I am full of flaws but to you, I am perfect and the best and always say, when you grow up you want to be like me and work, I still can’t understand what you both mean because I don’t have much, in fact I have nothing precious but my love for you. I don’t want you to be like me, I want you to travel your own road and not someone else’s, I want you to find your own destiny and be happy. At a young age, you have a lot of dreams, you want to be doctors, you want to climb the mountain, you want to sing and dance, you want to sell, you want to be everything, you want to buy your own car and house. I pray that you will always have that zeal in life and I know you will be both successful and happy in life.

There are a lot of things, I have missed to teach you or didn’t realize it is important for you to learn. I am also a work in progress and still learning how to be a good mother to both of you. Being a parent, I now understand why there are people who fear having kids,a parent could either break or make a child’s future but I pray for God’s guidance.

Kids Conversations

One of the joys of being a parent is having conversation with their little ones, every child especially ages three to five years old are inquisitive and say a lot of things which warms the heart of every parent and make them smile even in their most gloomy circumstances. The happiness children bring to their parents are immense and no one could replace such. I have read some posts of mothers about their kids’ conversations with other people which made me laugh or smile. They are too lovable. I have two kids, Joshua and Isabella who are five and four years old, they both differ in a lot of ways but just like any other kids they have said things that cracked me up or made me smile and some made me think and feel guilty

“I want to go inside that book”

While reading an old book of mine “The Alchemist”, my kids came and asked me to read  it to them and so I did…

It was difficult not to think about what he had left behind. The desert, with its endless monotony, put him to dreaming. The boy could still see the palm trees, the wells and the face of the woman he loved. He could see the Englishman at his experiments, and the camel driver who was a teacher without realizing it. Maybe the alchemist has never been in love, the boy thought.

Joshua: Mommy, what is an alchemist?

Isabella: Mommy, I want to go inside that book and see the desert and the palm tree. It is so beautiful, I want to see it.

“It is not funny”

When Isabella was 3 years old, my nephew and niece babysat her, when they were about to eat they gave her rice with broth and vegetables, she looked at their plates and saw big slice of meat on their plates and in a very serious look, she asked them “where is the meat?”. Since the meat were big chunks and wasn’t that soft, they didn’t put some in her plate.

My nephew and niece looked at each other and laughed; again she looked at them sternly and said “it is not funny”.

“No, I don’t talk to strangers”

When Isabella was less than 2 years old, she would go to anyone she doesn’t know or haven’t met before which is frightening that is why when I have to bring them to my mother and stay with her since I have to work here in the city, I talked to her over and over never to talk to strangers. They stayed with my mom without me for almost 2 years.

She is still my sweet little girl but I am a little bit worried because my Isabella seems bashful around people, she wouldn’t answer people when they are talking to her and wouldn’t even give a smile, sometimes she would act like no one is talking to her which is actually embarrassing. I don’t know if she is bashful or just don't trust people easy.

There was a time, a group of people were saying “hi” to her and she told them right off “No, I don’t talk to strangers”.

I am trying to teach her that it is ok to talk to people, be polite when she is with me and won’t only talk to strangers when she is alone.

“No, I have mouth”

While they were watching Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2, Joshua is watching quietly, his eyes are stuck on the TV screen and his sister keeps on talking, asking a lot of questions.

Joshua: Bella! stop talking!

Isabella: No! I have mouth.

"I am smart"

Isabella: Joshua! I am smart

Me: Who told you? your teacher?

Isabella: No, me only.

“You work so hard”

When I was working on two jobs, one time Joshua stayed for few days with me and my niece babysat him. There were times, I work 3pm-11pm and be home before 12 midnight then next day will wake up early for my class and after class will go straight to the hospital and stay there before 12 midnight. I guess he was frustrated I didn’t have much time for him so he told me,”mommy, you work and work and work. You work so hard” and also told my niece, “mommy always come andgo”.

“Mommy I don’t want to laugh at you”

“Mommy, I don’t want to laugh at you”, my daughter exclaimed when I almost slipped as I was running after Megumi with the kids’ burger toy in her mouth, “but I am laughing at Megumi because she is running with the toy” she added.

I smiled and was thinking how sweet of her. If there is one thing I never liked, it is people laughing at me behind my back. I admire frank people, who would tell me right off if there is something wrong and won’t make an issue out of it. I don’t like anyone who is so nice in front of me or would just retreat in silence but behind my back they are laughing or be talking about you. Laughing at someone’s mistake and be a subject of humiliation that is one thing I can’t tolerate. It is never nice to laugh at someone behind their back and talk about their life.

I hope and pray my daughter will carry that kind of thinking when she grows up, never to laugh and humiliate someone because of failure, mistakes, or how they lead their lives.

Bridges of Madison County

Roseman Bridge, Madison County (photo from pixabay)

Almost three decades after “The Bridges of Madison County” by Robert James Waller was published, I found a copy of the book in one of the bookshelves at a tiny provincial library in a small, quiet town of Philippines- a thousand miles away from Iowa where the story actually happened.

For the past three weeks and three days each week it became my routine to go to the library after dropping my two kids at their school. The town is 15 minutes away ride from the small village where we live and have to wait for a ride before we can go home so I decided to just stay in town while waiting for my kids to get out of school. I would spend two hours reading however books are old and very scarce. I only found 1 or 2 books I really like. They only have one book related to medicine and most are older editions about law, accountancy and social studies.

It was only last week when I saw the lone bookshelf near the window filled with old novels. Some of the novels I read when I was younger, sweet valley high, Johanna Lindsey books and some harlequin novels. Romantic novels don’t interest me anymore nor should I say I was never really into romantic filled novels though I read some before except when it is a love story based on reality, it is one of my favorites. One book caught my attention, there is an air of odd familiarity, I must have read or heard it somewhere or before, my subconscious mind reacted so I grabbed the book. Leafing through the pages, I found out it was an actual love story that happened in 1965 at a small town in Iowa. It is a love story of a couple almost 54 years ago in a town of Madison County, Iowa. Old country farm true love stories always excite me, it gives me a rush feeling, a connection only the universe knows, brings me to another dimension where sometimes I feel I belong. I settled down to read.

My eyes were filled with tears, it was my 3rd day at the library and was reading the final chapter of the book, I was alone except for the librarian who has busy typing and the radio was playing the song “Let’s Make Love” by Faith Hill and Tim Mc Graw. I haven’t felt this deep feeling in the first and middle chapters of the book, I just admired how the author detailed the story; it was the final chapters that gave me a rush of emotions. It is so rustic, so real, so heart wrenching. I felt sad when I read Robert’s letter to Francesca but Francesca’s letter to her kids was heart wrenching. I wiped my tears and went out to blow my nose.

So what happened in the story? This is a story of a love shared by two people physically in just four days but the emotional bond and love lasted a lifetime. Is that possible? I don’t know, all I know is that it happened to two people, to Robert and Francesca.

They met in 1965 when Robert went to Madison County to take pictures of historic bridges for a National Geographic article. It was where he met Francesca when he was trying to ask for directions, Francesca at that time was married to an unromantic husband who has away at the Illinois State Fair for several days with their two kids. They fell in love at first sight with each other and shared love in four days they were together, they were both certain of their feelings and wanted so much to be together however they are not meant to be together or they choose to, out of respect for each other and what each one has.

They never contacted each other after Robert Kincaid’s left the town. Francesca’s husband, Richard died on 1979, he tried to contact Robert, but no one knows his whereabouts or what happened to him, she didn’t look further fearing something happened. Years later after her husband died she received a letter from a law firm on January 1982 stating that they are representing an estate Robert Kincaid left for her. You can imagine how she feels that time.

In his letter, he wrote how he loved her profoundly and there was never any woman before her, he also sent her a medallion with her name engraved on it. He wrote in his letter a lot of times he wanted to go see her and take her with him but said he remembered her words and he respect her. He ordered the firm to cremate his body and throw his ashes at Roseman bridge. Five years later after Francesca received that letter, she was found dead in her dead, of natural cause. She asked her children that her body be cremated and her ashes be thrown at Roseman bridge. Shortly after her death, her two grown children went back to their Iowa farm and discovered a box where they found mementos of Robert Kincaid and a letter from their mother telling them what happened back in 1965. The two grown children contacted James Waller who narrated their mom’s love story, which then becomes a novel. The book became a bestseller.

During the time Robert Waller was doing some research about Robert Kincaid, he met a Jazz musician whom Kincaid became friends with in his final years. Robert Kincaid told him about the woman he loved named Francesca and he decided to write a song for him and sing it every Tuesday night when Kincaid would go to the bar, a song he titled “Francesca”.

When I looked up the internet, I have learned that it became a well received Hollywood film in 1995. Love comes in all forms and love is true when it is not selfish. I thought, if Francesca left her family and went with Kincaid, things would be so different, they would never experience that kind of love they have and feeling only them know it existed.

The bridge gives us a lesson not to take things for granted, the bridge before it was published on National Geographic, the townfolks didn't care about it. Sometimes we take things for granted not realizing the importance of it. We neglect some of the things which is actually our reason of living.