"I'm going to continue beating my kids"

If your country would outlaw corporal punishment, what would you think and do? Do you agree with the Confucian teachings that children are considered possessions of parents and they are granted almost inviolable authority to raise and discipline their children? You might also have heard and believe of the biblical proverb “spare the rod and spoil the child” or you might also believe that corporal punishment is a form of humiliation. According to Ellen Key, a Swedish writer who is an early advocate of a child-centered approach to education and parenting, believed that corporal punishment is a humiliation to the one who is giving it and to the recipient of physical pain. It is also ineffective.

What is corporal punishment?

In layman’s term, corporal punishment is physical punishment which would cause discomfort or pain in response to behaviors that are deemed inappropriate. Corporal punishment is being used as a child discipline method by some parents. 

Some examples of physical punishment include:

• Spanking 
• Slapping, pulling or pinching
•  Hitting with an object

Corporal punishment around the world

Corporal punishment in the United Sates is still lawful. As of 2018 there are 53 countries that ban corporal punishment. Sweden was the very first country in 1979 to ban corporal punishment both at home and school by law. Finland Norway, which is both Sweden’s neighbor, enacted the same law on 1983 and 1987. 

Other countries that ban corporal punishment

Austria (1989), Cyprus (1994), Denmark (1997), Latvia (1998), Croatia (1999), Bulgaria, Israel, Germany (2000), Turkmenistan (2002), Iceland (2003), Ukraine, Romania (2004), Hungary (2005), Greece (2006), Netherlands, New Zealand, Portugal, Uruguay, Venezuela, Spain, Togo (2007), Costa Rica, Moldova, Luxembourg, Liechtenstein (2008), Poland, Tunisia, Kenya, Congo, Albania (2010), South Sudan (2011), Macedonia, Honduras (2013), Malta, Brazil, Cape Verde, Argentina, San Marino, Estonia, Nicaragua (2014), Andorra, Benin, Ireland, Peru (2015), Mongolia, Paraguay, Slovenia (2016), Lithuania, Montenegro (2017), Nepal (2018)

In Asian countries, most people tolerate the practice of corporal punishment and also endorse it. A fair amount of punishment was believed to make their children better people. Child-rearing practices were traditionally considered private matter within the family circle.

Corporal punishment in South Korea

I was reading the news when these words of a mom from South Korea caught my attention “I’m going to continue beating my kids even if it requires writing a contract with them”. As of 2019, corporal punishment is to be scrapped in South Korea prompting controversy in the country. In South Korea, corporal punishment has generally been accepted as a form of discipline rooted in parental love and in 1960, it has been stated in their civil code that the parents have the right to physically discipline their children. 

Corporal punishment in the Philippines

In February 2019, President Rodrigo Duterte rejected a bill that banned parents from subjecting their children to verbal abuse and physical punishment stating that it will allow government to extend its reach into the privacy of the family. The Bill of the Anti-Corporal Punishment Act of 2017 was introduced by Senator Leila de Lima.

Why corporal punishment is good?

According to a new study by researchers at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, corporal punishment is viewed as more acceptable and effective when referred to as spanking. Slap, hit, or beat were ranked as less acceptable and effective than spank and swat.  Debate wise in one of their articles stated that corporal punishment should be reintroduced since bad behavior is on the increase in the classroom.

Why corporal punishment is bad?

There are also those who are opposed to corporal punishment. A study published in Journal of Aggression Maltreatment & Trauma on 2009 found that spanking lowers a child’s IQ. The study found that the more a child was spanked, the slower the child’s mental development. A study published in Pediatrics last 2012 stated that harsh physical punishment was associated with increased odds of mood disorders, substance abuse, personality disorders and anxiety disorders.

I am no exception when it comes to spanking her kids, I do spank my kids when they do things which are unacceptable but perhaps I have to rethink if spanking is really needed on some of their “mild” misbehaviors maybe it is better to ignore it or just talk to them about it.

Joshua Dwayne

It was morning of December 24, 2013 when my mother and I went to the hospital because I was already having labor. I thought I would be giving birth on the night of 24^th but I didn’t. At 11 o’clock in the morning of December 25, the doctor came and conducted an IE. She told me I am about to give birth and so she instructed the nurse to bring me to the delivery room. They ruptured my bag of water and told me to push whenever I feel any pain and contraction. Unfortunately, I haven’t felt any pain but contractions.

More than an hour passed and still baby is not coming out no matter how I try to push. They keep on checking his fetal heart rate and he just keeps on getting weaker and weaker, so they decided to do an emergency c-section. I was then brought to the operating room.

The anesthesiologist injected anesthesia and in less than five minutes I fell asleep. I just woke up when I heard them screaming, “It’s a baby boy and looks like an American” (a line that made my husband smiled when I told him). I asked if I can see baby and one of the staff showed him to me then I went back to sleep again.

Turned out, the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and his head is not in proper position that is why no matter how I push, he won’t come out. It just made him weaker and weaker. Our bundle of joy came out at 2:09 in the afternoon of December 25, 2013 and it is 12:09 in the morning, it just turned December 25 at Illinois too, where his father lives and waiting for the news.

Dalangin ng Isang Ina

 Aking dalangin ay lumaki kayong may takot sa Diyos at manatili sa kanyang landas. Nawa'y lumaki kayong may kababaang loob at sumunod lagi sa kanya.Sana lagi ninyong isa isip at isa puso ang aral ng Diyos.

Aking dalangin ay bigyan kayo ng Diyos ng malawak na pangunawa at kaalaman. Sana laging puno ang inyong puso ng pagmamahal at gawin ang lahat ng bagay para sa inyong kinabukasan ng may pagmamahal.

Aking dalangin ay bigyan kayo ng Diyos ng kasipagan, ng katapangan, ng kalusugan at ng Katalinuhan. Anumang pagsubok na dumating sa inyo ay mapagtagumpayan ninyo at nang marating ninyo ang rurok ng tagumpay.

Aking dalangin ay bigyan kayo ng masayahing puso, isip at kaluluwa. Lumaki sana kayong marunong tumawa, marunong ngumiti at magalak sa inyong kalumbayan.

Lumaki sana kayong may respeto sa inyong kapwa, maging mabuti kayo, pagsilbihan ang Diyos at ang inyong kapwa. Lumaki sana kayong malayo sa kalawayan at sa kapahamakan.

Aking dalangin ay ingatan kayo ng Diyos sa tuwi-tuwina.

A Mother's Letter

I want to start this by saying “I love you”. I have learned a lot being a mother to both of you. I have always thought the role of a mother is to teach their innocent kids but your innocence have made me realized a lot of things. I am not a perfect mother but I promise you both that I will love you with all my heart. You are the ones who keep me going. There are a lot of times, I want to give up but when I look into your eyes and listen to your sweet voice, I just can’t do that.

I feel so guilty for not giving my best to both of you and yet you always look up to me, always want to be with me and stay with you but if I have to be away and work, I will and hope that someday you will understand why I have done such. I just want to give you the best and I don’t want you to go through what I went before. It is like music to my ears when you say “mommy”, the joy resonates in my heart and in my soul. You never know how I feel, when you always want to hug and kiss me or when you want me to kiss  and hug you.

I am full of flaws but to you, I am perfect and the best and always say, when you grow up you want to be like me and work, I still can’t understand what you both mean because I don’t have much, in fact I have nothing precious but my love for you. I don’t want you to be like me, I want you to travel your own road and not someone else’s, I want you to find your own destiny and be happy. At a young age, you have a lot of dreams, you want to be doctors, you want to climb the mountain, you want to sing and dance, you want to sell, you want to be everything, you want to buy your own car and house. I pray that you will always have that zeal in life and I know you will be both successful and happy in life.

There are a lot of things, I have missed to teach you or didn’t realize it is important for you to learn. I am also a work in progress and still learning how to be a good mother to both of you. Being a parent, I now understand why there are people who fear having kids,a parent could either break or make a child’s future but I pray for God’s guidance.

Kids Conversations

One of the joys of being a parent is having conversation with their little ones, every child especially ages three to five years old are inquisitive and say a lot of things which warms the heart of every parent and make them smile even in their most gloomy circumstances. The happiness children bring to their parents are immense and no one could replace such. I have read some posts of mothers about their kids’ conversations with other people which made me laugh or smile. They are too lovable. I have two kids, Joshua and Isabella who are five and four years old, they both differ in a lot of ways but just like any other kids they have said things that cracked me up or made me smile and some made me think and feel guilty

“I want to go inside that book”

While reading an old book of mine “The Alchemist”, my kids came and asked me to read  it to them and so I did…

It was difficult not to think about what he had left behind. The desert, with its endless monotony, put him to dreaming. The boy could still see the palm trees, the wells and the face of the woman he loved. He could see the Englishman at his experiments, and the camel driver who was a teacher without realizing it. Maybe the alchemist has never been in love, the boy thought.

Joshua: Mommy, what is an alchemist?

Isabella: Mommy, I want to go inside that book and see the desert and the palm tree. It is so beautiful, I want to see it.

“It is not funny”

When Isabella was 3 years old, my nephew and niece babysat her, when they were about to eat they gave her rice with broth and vegetables, she looked at their plates and saw big slice of meat on their plates and in a very serious look, she asked them “where is the meat?”. Since the meat were big chunks and wasn’t that soft, they didn’t put some in her plate.

My nephew and niece looked at each other and laughed; again she looked at them sternly and said “it is not funny”.

“No, I don’t talk to strangers”

When Isabella was less than 2 years old, she would go to anyone she doesn’t know or haven’t met before which is frightening that is why when I have to bring them to my mother and stay with her since I have to work here in the city, I talked to her over and over never to talk to strangers. They stayed with my mom without me for almost 2 years.

She is still my sweet little girl but I am a little bit worried because my Isabella seems bashful around people, she wouldn’t answer people when they are talking to her and wouldn’t even give a smile, sometimes she would act like no one is talking to her which is actually embarrassing. I don’t know if she is bashful or just don't trust people easy.

There was a time, a group of people were saying “hi” to her and she told them right off “No, I don’t talk to strangers”.

I am trying to teach her that it is ok to talk to people, be polite when she is with me and won’t only talk to strangers when she is alone.

“No, I have mouth”

While they were watching Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2, Joshua is watching quietly, his eyes are stuck on the TV screen and his sister keeps on talking, asking a lot of questions.

Joshua: Bella! stop talking!

Isabella: No! I have mouth.

"I am smart"

Isabella: Joshua! I am smart

Me: Who told you? your teacher?

Isabella: No, me only.

“You work so hard”

When I was working on two jobs, one time Joshua stayed for few days with me and my niece babysat him. There were times, I work 3pm-11pm and be home before 12 midnight then next day will wake up early for my class and after class will go straight to the hospital and stay there before 12 midnight. I guess he was frustrated I didn’t have much time for him so he told me,”mommy, you work and work and work. You work so hard” and also told my niece, “mommy always come andgo”.

“Mommy I don’t want to laugh at you”

“Mommy, I don’t want to laugh at you”, my daughter exclaimed when I almost slipped as I was running after Megumi with the kids’ burger toy in her mouth, “but I am laughing at Megumi because she is running with the toy” she added.

I smiled and was thinking how sweet of her. If there is one thing I never liked, it is people laughing at me behind my back. I admire frank people, who would tell me right off if there is something wrong and won’t make an issue out of it. I don’t like anyone who is so nice in front of me or would just retreat in silence but behind my back they are laughing or be talking about you. Laughing at someone’s mistake and be a subject of humiliation that is one thing I can’t tolerate. It is never nice to laugh at someone behind their back and talk about their life.

I hope and pray my daughter will carry that kind of thinking when she grows up, never to laugh and humiliate someone because of failure, mistakes, or how they lead their lives.